he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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