Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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