Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
