I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
