eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
