Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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