Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
