so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
