I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
