My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
