yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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