I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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