Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
