Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
