There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
