im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
