dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
