I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
