You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize