thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
