the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
