You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
