speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
