So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
