Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
