Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
