i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize