He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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