the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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