I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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