then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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