trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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