I just pynch a tree in the face
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
