And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
