I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
