What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
