So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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