I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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