I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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