My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
