A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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