Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
