She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
