I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
