oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
