He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize