i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize