Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
