Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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