I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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