eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
