This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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