end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
