There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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