Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
