I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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