i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
