Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
