Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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