you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
