Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
