I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
