Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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