I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
